Love isn't Forever
Love...everywhere,everyone seems to be looking for it. I too was like that, i wanted love so much and wanted to find it as soon as possible. I always wanted to have someone to share my feelings too, to embrace and to lean on when everything seems to fall. But you know what, i don't care that much anymore. That time of my life, where love seems to be everything for me is over. At that time, whenever i think of love and how i don't seem to have it at the time, all i can feel is depression and sadness. You see love just makes people sad, even if you did able to find that person, there is no guarantee that it will be happy ever after right? And if that happens there will be only more sadness and pain. Right now i'm very happy with my life, i'm very much satisfied with what i have. Yes, true there are still times when i think that it would be better if i have someone, but you know what i don't really need that. I have friends and my families who care for me, who embraces me and people i can lean on to when i'm sad. I won't say that i don't believe in love, because i do, but i just won't base my life and happiness in it anymore. Because there are other things that can give me hapiness than love, and i should focus on that more. Do i believe in love and happiness ever after? The answer is no. I think that love is not forever, i always believe that there will always come a time when those two people will stop loving one another. Yes, they may still be together and living well as a couple, but does that mean that they are still happy and still very much in love? I mean i don't even know if i even wanted to marry in the future. I'm afraid of the prospect that when i'm already married and tied to that person, a new person will come. A person that i can love more than the first. What if i made a mistake in choosing a partner, what can i do then? Just like what the song said "It's sad to belong to someone else when the right man comes along". I mean how can you know if one thing is love or not anyway?
A place where everything is colorful
I began reading this book Memoirs of a Geisha and it is really interesting. And then I begin to imagine what it's like to live in those times and meet one, or even be one. I quickly became engrossed with the story the moment i began reading the first page. It was really such a interesting and somewhat fairy tale like story. And then i began think what if i too lost my family and journey to the unknown. I have always wanted to have an adventure an expereince that i will always remember, and since i live in a family where there are strict rules, i feel like i'm not able to live at my fullest. The characters in the story made decisions based on there emotions and instict, and i wonder if there decisions were somehow influenced by the fact that they are now alone, and the only people they can trust are themselves. More so, morality at that time seems to have a price, if i were to live in a world like that, i wonder if i'll be a different person as i'am right now. Would morality matter to me? Or would i be just those kind of people where everything seems to have a price. I really like reading books because for me that is one way of escaping reality, whenever i feel sad or depressed i always read books. Because while reading books, i somehow able to imagine and live in the world of the story. It's like a fantsy world, where i can go to and imagine myself as a part of that wonderful story. I guess what i'am trying to say is i'm afraid to live in reality at times, i feel that if i reflect and accept all the things that are happening i'm gonna explode, because it's all too fast and too many. That's why reading for me is one way of stopping the many thoughts that i have and just live even for a while in a world where everything seems so colorful and interesting.
Dreams
Why do we dream? And why do we dream about those things? People say that dreams are the things that are hidden in our subconciousness, but i don't understand how could that be. Dreams are said to be the hidden desires and fears, but sometimes i dream of things that has nothing to do with my desires or fears, i dreamed of many wierd things that i believe has nothing to do with the things that is hidden in my subconcious mind. So what is the real maning of the word dream, and why do we dream when we are sleeping? And why do some dreams stay with us for a long time, while others we forget the moment we wake up? I remember last night i dreamed of a person whom i've never met before, his face was clear and in the dream it seems like i've known him before, but when i woke up i couldn't remember the face that much anymore, except that i have never met him, is it my hidden wish or something, or is it something that may happen in the future? People often say that dreams are doorways to our future, sometimes we dream about things that may happen next time, like a premonition, but is it? And then there are some who say that what you dreamed about will definitely come true, while others say that dreams are the opposite of reality, what happen in your dreams will never happen in the real world. It's really confusing, different people have different definitions, for me i'm not sure what dreams are, all i know is that dreams can give you hope and sometimes it can make you worry about stuffs. There are some people, however don't dream in their sleep, i have a friend who told me that she has never experience dreaming before, she said that maybe just maybe there was a time or two that she dreamt, but aside from that there is nothing at all all, i wonder why is that so? Why do some people always dream, like me, while others don't at all? And then there is that thing where you can continue your dreams, i have done that several times in fact; i dream of something then i suddenly wake up and when i continue my sleep, my dream continues too. Dreams are really interesting, i wish that there was some way we can examine it more clearly.
Reincarnation
Is reincarnation real? My cousins and I had recently talked about this topic, and most of us believe i reincarnation, including me. But if that's the case then when people die they are given another chance to live as a new pers
on right? I wonder if i was already reincarnated, if so i wonder what kind of person am i before, do reincarnated people look exactly the same as they were in there past life? I wonder if a person's personality doesn't change, and they are the exact same person as they are now, only they have no recollection of their past life? These were the questions that came about in our discussion. Another thing we wondered about was the people we know who already passed away, if they have already reincarnated and is living now again? And how about the people we meet in the streets, our friends and aquaintances, have we met before? Did we knew each other before? i mean i'm sure everyone have felt that thing, when you meet someone it feels like you've already met him before, but the thing is that's the first time you've seen him. And when you talk with him it feels like you've known each other for so long already. i wonder is it because you have really met him in your past life? But the problem is even if a lot of people believe in the concept of reincarnation, we can't prove that this is real, how are we suppose to know if we really have a past life, and was just reincarnated? The discusssion of reincarnation is very common nowadays, everyone wants to know if there really is a thing such as life after death, but we can't really know can we?
God
The subject of God and religion often, if not always, comes up when talking about philosophy. I was raised by my parents as a devoted Christian, was always faithful and really feared God above anything else. I always went to church and prayed faithfully every single day. But times change and along with it changed my beliefs. I started to doubt God and the whole Catholic religion. Does God really exists, if He does, then for what? Why does he exists; to help people? To show people the right way? To end suffering and to defeat the bad? If this is so, then why does our world still full of sufferings, still full of bad people, and still full of helpless people. If God really exists to help others, why do the people who asked Him for help never received it. You will often hear people say "God did it because He has other plans for you, because it's for your own good", but is it? I mean a person who was abused asked God for help, and her abuser got away; a lot of cases like this happen. So did God let the criminal walk away because He has other plans, because it's for the victims own good? I mean what better plan does He have than let the victim have her justice, what good will it bring that person if she knows that the person who violated her is still walking freely on the streets. And then there is the possibility that the same abuser attacks another person, i mean why does God even allowed this, if He only punished the criminal the first time, then this might not have happened, but He did not and the result is more people suffer. He only created more sufferings more evil. And then let's say during a contest, there are 4 contestants, all praying to God faithfully to win, but in a contest only one wins, so what's God basis for letting that one person win? Did the other three not pray hard enough, where they not just as worthy to win that contest as that one winner? I mean God is suppose to look at us equally right? But by favoring that one person, isn't there inequality? And don't say because He has other plans for the others, because that saying is just a way of covering up all the doubts about God. When something bad happens, people say "it's God's plan", "It's what God has planned for us", i think that people are using God as an excuse for their mistakes. When people commit mistakes they often say those things, but the truth is no one can plan your future for you. You are the writer of your own life, if something happens so something about it, not casually say because it was what's planned for me. I think people who say those things are those who let things happen to them, instead of making it happen. And then there are people who will use the basis of free will for counter attack. God is said to have created us with the power of free will, but then why does God punish others, who only acted upon their free will, people had the right to choose what's right and wrong, but when people chose the wrong choice God punishes them, if that's the case God should have never created us with that power, He should never have given us free will if He will only punish us when we chose the wrong one. And besides isn't free will the reason why people commit crimes, if God really wanted us humans to have a wonderful life, if He really wanted to end all sufferings, then He should have never given us free will. A lot people may disagree with me especially those who are really devoted to Him, but i think that i everyone is entitled to his opinion, and this is mine.
Reflecting
Sometimes when i'm alone in my room, I can't help but think about life and things. I always feel lonely and empty lying in my bed thinking about why everything is this way; watching television and yet not quite noticing it, so wrap up in my little world. I've always been like this ever since high school, i so
metimes tell my friends about it, but all they say is i'm wierd, they said that i'm thinking too much and should enjoy life as it comes, and try not to question about such things like: what does forever really means, and how life is gonna end, or things like reincarnation and stuffs. I always feel sad when i think about life and death, i mean if i was to believe in reincarnation that means today we live and then die and then live as a new person and die and so on...i mean that's forever right, as in for eternity. We'll live and die and that's all there is to it, no changes, and that makes me sad. I know that it will be different for every new life but still isn't kind of tiring to think about that. I don't know maybe i'm just really wierd. It's just that the word forever and eternity has such a deep meaning, to live and die and have that never-ending cycle can really make one depressed. And then i feel really empty when i think about what my life today really is, i mean i don't know what my purpose in life really is, and it seems that no matter what i do and have it feels like there is still something missing, but the thing is i don't know what. It's like i'm searching for something that i don't know what. Sometimes i think of all the crazy things i want to do, and yet can't because of many things, like it's impossible since first my parents won't allow it, and second because it's just too crazy. I feel like i'm in a place where i seem to have everything but can't have the things that really makes me happy, wierd? I feel like a prisoner, who is bound by the rules of society and my family. I'm already 18 and still i don't know what to in my life, i feel like my everyday life is useless, when i think about everything i've done, i can't help but asked myself, what was it for? I mean what's the purpose of my life, why do i go to school and such things. it's really confusing and it makes me feel like my whole life is useless. And there is also the feeling hat my life is too routinedly done. It feels like the world isn't really changing, or should i say that my life has no change at all, i feel like all i do is go to school then go home, hang-out with friends and so on...a normal teenage life. But i want something more, i want to experience everything that life can offer, i once told my friends about this, and sadly they just joked me about it, that my thoughts are really far out. But i can't help it, it's just that i don't want to have any regrets, i want to die knowing i was able to experience everything that i wanted to. And then there are times when i just feel empty, blank like i don't have feelings or a mind at all, like i'm floating in space, floating in a diffrent world, guess my friends were right, i really am crazy! Because of this i try as much as possible to keep myself alone in my room anymore, i often do things to keep myself busy as to take my mind off such thinking. But sometimes when i'm sleeping it just keep on invading my thoughts, and i can't help but think about it again. My friends were right, i shouldn't think about things too much, i should enjoy life, appreciate and just go with the flow, and maybe i will but not always cause hey there's nothing wrong with thinking about life and things from time to time. Maybe someday i will be able to find what i am looking for, and someday i hope that i could appreciate what i have more.
